To My Dearest, Barry,

There is comfort in the strength of love:

Twill make a thing endurable,

Which else would overset the brain,

Or break the heart.
-William Wordsworth

"To My Dearest, Barry,

"Decisions were made, commitments to be kept.
"The time!"
"It is now?"

"All ready?"

"So soon!"
"Precious little time together spent,
We knew what each one meant.
Our hearts we felt beat, our Spirits did meet,
Our Souls; they became One.
God's blessings we did seek.
For safety and peace,
His help we knew we'd need.
Tears shed and hands held tight,

Lingering ... with might!
But alas, time could not last!

Our thoughts shared, we expressed our fear ...

We knew ~ We cared!

"Many more kisses ~ So-o dear!

Wished my pockets I could fill!
Your Last Kiss ... I Remember Still!

"But time marches on and the miles are long;

Hardships along the way ...
Each call was rejoiced for hearing your voice,
But ~
I'm so sorry your journey is hard!!!
Won't start? - perseverance,
"I'll pray for you!"
The Lord must need you meek!
Troubles more than double,
He needs us to be humble!
"Come. Come,
I Am, Here To Help!"
Prayers along the way from loved ones, every day.
We wished your journey was done!

"It is hard to be apart for now,
The distance; it is far!
The days linger on
And
The nights are lonely.
The question is there, of "How?"
Answers come and answers go.
So patience we must seek!

"Logic tells me, I can endure ...
But ~
My heart feels the absence of your warmth.

"I long to feel your arms about me;
To feel your presence near!
See your smile!
Look in your eyes!
Hear your voice ... "Hello!"
Feel your lips pressed to mine!
Yes ~ Heaven Be Divine!

"My heart feels breaking here ~
For loneliness? "Yes, I will endure
Long, I must wait!"
"I promise, I will faithful be
'Til time ...
Sets us free!"

With All My Love! Kristy

How my life has changed since October 6th

First I want to say ... wasn't I in this position a year ago?! (knee surgery and recoup.)

As most of you know I was in a little accident with myself and 'the good ole hard ground'. Now that I have had surgery and the long road back to hopefully a better self, I have learned a new perspective in life. Here are some of my thoughts:

Gravity Truly Exists - I am amazed on occasions how fast the mind can think thoughts and visualize even in the few seconds it took to fall, and in the midst of mass confusion of: "Why am I falling? ...Why are my arms flailing in the air ... Why am I hearing the hard hat hit the ground ... oh shoot! I hope Jared's glasses didn't get scratched! Good thing I didn't try to carry the heater too. Where is the sleeping bag?... Why am I falling? ... I don't want my head to hit the car bumper. ... Oh, my elbow and shoulder! ... Ouch my head! ...Wow this ground is hard! ... Did I just hit my head on a rock? ...' Is this the major change in the middle of next month that will change my life forever' - (fortune cookie from Sept.) ... I thought it would have something to do with the grandkids and the swine flu shot! ... The truck door just slammed shut ... does Barry know I'm lying here on the ground? Why did I fall???"

It is very surreal to feel blood running down my scalp (it's warm) and see a puddle of blood on the ground and know that it came from my head. I've seen movies where it shows a person lying on the ground with a puddle of blood behind their head - creepy! Very weird!

I am always amazed at the power of the priesthood and it's healing power. I'm very thankful for it!

Why is it that when I'm walking into a hospital for an injury, illness or to have my babies, do I always question whether I am really needing to be there? Are they going to tell me to go home? You're not hurt. You're not ready. Even when my ankle hurts, my eyes aren't dilating, my knee is hurting and swollen like a balloon, my elbow hurts, and my head is sore with a lump and a scab? ... Why do I feel I have to look nice before I go? And of course, I have to make sure my underwear is clean - thanks Mom!

Why do you have to be a contortionist to have X-rays? and why does it have to be sooo cold in those rooms? And that Icey Cold Slab Table! "Sure, I'll hold still as soon as I stop shivering!" But I am grateful for modern technology and grateful I don't have to lie in bed with my leg suspended in the air with ropes and a bucket of rocks at the end of a pulley for my knee to heal for months. Don't know how my Dad did it!?!

I now know what it is like to have an MRI & claustrophobia (if I can talk myself through this, I can talk myself through anything! and Without Meds. - thank you very much!). This was not anything like what I expected - a series of knocks and clanking and bangings. How do small children do this who have cancer or other major health issues? How do they holds so still for so long? If a small child can do this, so can I! I am so blessed! Did you know you have to wear earplugs? No metal allowed - duh! sometimes I Am Slow! One of the few times my ring has been off and glad Barry decided to let me have it back, I was feeling naked in there!

Whew! There really is something wrong! Their not going to send me home without aide. I had the thought that they were all thinking I was faking and just wanted drugs. (The tiny dilation of my eyes probably didn't help, I'm sure. I looked pretty weird to myself.) I really would have liked them to say "There's nothing wrong with you - go home and in three day's the swelling will be gone and you'll be back to normal." Instead they were saying, "Wow! This is a lot worse than we thought!" Ah Ha, they did think I was there for drugs!

Any way you look at it - your armpits are going to hurt if you have to use crutches! There were moments ... okay ... long minutes, that I just wanted to chuck them through a door or window and just get up and walk. !WOW! I just realized, maybe that was a test of my Faith to be healed! and I blew it! ( I really did for a second have that visualization. Maybe I could ... I wanted it bad enough!) But I am grateful to have the light weight ones Jared let me borrow. Thank-you Jared for your concern with my knee. It was nice to know you understood what it was all about and have your knowledge of what to watch out for and how it was going to be. Sorry if I didn't understand or care enough for your pain or suffering in the past. Personal experience truly is eye opening and 20/20.

Being stuck in the house alone, really sucks! Thanks to my sister, Brenda. who made it bearable and fun and interesting. She took me places with her when she had errands to run. We even got together with Jackie and went to visit my Aunt Lela & Uncle Glendon . She just turned 80 and I've wanted to see them for a l-o-n-g time. And then we had sister time ... always needed and wonderful! I have such wonderful sisters and a caring big brother!

One word of advice: Do Not Think, that while you are recuperating, that it is a good time to pressure cook dry beans in a canner ... you know ... one process a day would be easy and do-able ... MAN ! What pocessed me?! !!! Sorry Brenda!!! But we did learn a lot from it? Have you made your list, yet?
Here's mine: 1. Never ...

My first trips to the store and using a handicap cart to shop. Late night and NO CROWDS is good! (Winco) Tuesday, in the middle of the day in Provo Costco is very bad. I was shocked at how rude people are in cutting you off, darting ahead in front of you, not wanting to wait for you, children not watching where they are going. (Could this have something to do with Utah drivers ...?) All the time, I was trying to keep up with the person I was with and not run into somebody. I realized I had to be a defensive driver like truck drivers do. Glad I know that perspective and Happy to say I didn't hit anyone but came very close a couple of times. Glad I'm not too shy to ask for help in reaching for something. I hope that I will correct my patterns in a store and be more aware of helping others and being more patient myself.

It is amazing to see from a different level all the things you miss when you are up, standing tall and walking. Kind of like a child's view of the world. Did you know there are garbage cans at the front of every Costco conveyor checkout. So many times when I have had samples debri at Costco and didn't use the can at those spots, I was always looking for a garbage can to throw them away at checkout! Now I know. Saw lots of places that need a good cleaning. Side note :I even found some library supplies in the backs of the lower cupboards, at church, I didn't know we had. Apparently, I haven't bent over far enough. The other librarians didn't know either! Who knew?

If I put my mind to it, I can figure out how to do things for myself, but boy some of it is really hard work! THE THINGS WE DO EVERYDAY IS SO-O-O TAKEN FOR GRANTED. Things were done so much faster with Barry helping me! Thanks Hunny!!! Taking a bath or shower & getting dressed takes 2 hours! by myself, and then I needed a rest for 2 hours. This is all bare minimum dressing. That also does not include styling my hair or putting on makeup. Guys are so lucky! I would just finally sit down to catch my breath or rest - get my leg situated with the ice packs and remember - oh yeah! I really needed a drink of water and it is so far back to the kitchen! How to carry something/s from one place to another was solved by a dear friend who made me an apron with pockets. Thanks Jenny!!!

When you REALLY NEED HELP, and sincerely ask in prayer, the Lord inspires someone to call and be the answer that you need? Thank you to YOU - you know who you are! There are many very generous people in this world that the Lord has blessed and given talents to and they are the Good Samaritans in our day that share, care and minister! GOD BLESS THEM!!!

I am again convinced that the Lord knows the reasons why I need these experiences in my life. Trusting others, reflection about where I am in life, re-adjusting, learning what is important and what isn't, that I need to get my affairs in order, very needed, patience in healing (still ongoing) and other areas and attitudes, and learning wisdom and how this feels for others who have had this happen to them, and how amazing this body really is, all are just a few of the lessons that have come to my mind during this time.

I am blessed though this experience, it could have been a lot worse than it was, it could have been more painful that it was (that allowed me to not have to use as much of the meds. I had to take for the healing process, as was my desire.) I'm thankful for people being in the right place at the right time to prevent a bad situation from becoming a disaster and for their knowledge that was needed. I'm grateful to those who understood my life's fears, eased the way and have shared with me the peace I needed. I've learned that if the Lord were to call me home, I'm ready to go - even knowing that I am not in perfect condition. I know the Savior loves me, anyway!

Kristy

P.S. What? you weren't expecting a novel? It has been a year!!!

Grandkids

Today I am able to visit with some of my grandchildren that I haven't seen for a couple of months. Already there are big changes with all of them. Mykael is now a year older and was excited to show & tell what she got for her birthday. She had to put the new black top G-pa & G-ma gave her. It has sparkly silver hearts around the neck and waist. She is a bigger helper with making a great looking salad with lots of colors, and it went great with the chicken & broccoli casserole we all love to eat.

Jaden is taller and soon to pass his sister in height and his hair is growing in almost black now. Today he was drawing a joker for an art project for school and he did a GREAT JOB. I think there is some talent there to be developed. I'm not surprised!

Ashton came running home from church and into the house calling out for me, "Grandma, where are you?" Then throwing his arms around me and giving me great big hugs, "I love you so-o-o- much. I missed you! Nice to be needed and loved, I must say. He said he ran all the way from church as fast as he could.

Elias last night was helping me crochet and decided he needed to take the paper off of the next skein of yarn (before I was ready for it). Then I calmly told him "Please don't take the paper off of the yarn, I don't want you to do that." He lifted my hair away from my arm and I bent down over to him, he whispered in my ear, "spss - spss -spss, I need to take the paper off of the yarn because I want to. When he saw me laughing at what he had done, He got a great grin on his face, turned his head a little to the side and looked at me out of the corner of his eyes. I have whispered in my grandchildren's ears 'little love secrets' since they were born. It was so funny to me to have one of my little ones whisper in my ear for the 1st time. He really tickeled my ear!

Little Dylan just gets chubbier and more smiley and is so ticklish you can hardly pick him up without him 'grunting-a-giggle-turn-into-an-outright-laugh'. And he is solidly heavy rolls of muscle covered with so soft skin. Sometimes it sounds like he is crying when in realitly he is finding different pitches to use his loud voice - even if it does sound like a cry.

Seeing Alisha and Genevieve clear from the other side of the country is a great experience! Mommy looks good and healthy with a cute new hair due and Little Genevieve smiles more and more and more ... she is just like sunshine anytime of the day! She recognized us this time and I think that it has helped to hear our voices over Skype and once in a while, see our faces when we hook up the camera. She hasn't been afraid of us at all and lets us hold her and play with her alot. She really seems to be very social with all her cousins and Aunt and Uncle and G-ma & G-pa. I can't believe that she is already pulling herself up to stand at furniture when she only started crawling a couple of weeks ago. What a fast learner! We've enjoyed her very much! Mommy too! Thanks for sharing, Eric !!!

Well, we all made Yummy Famous Cookies tonight and each helped with a little part of it, especially the tasting part. YUM YUM. If there are any left - we might share with YOU.

So my children, here is a little piece of info on how your DAD is progressing these days. For his upcoming trip, he replaced the batteries in the walkie-talkies. Into the 1st he's holding (in his right hand) up to his mouth, he clicks it on and says:
"Hello! Can you hear me?"
With the other in his left hand (bringing it up to his mouth), he clicks it on and says:
" Yes! You're coming in loud and clear!"
At that point, as I am taking cookies out of the oven, I turn to look at him and he realizes that there were two witnesses to this and he get's this funny look on his face as I said to him:
"WOW that was a really good test for the new batteries."
Alisha's comments was:
"Good thing he wasn't in the other room!"
That's okay Hunny, we all have our moments!

Blog Set-up

Thanks to my 1st son Oliver, I am trying to set up this blog. He got me started and then he left me to my own and I am totally lost.

[He went to go pick up Dad who is now SAFELY OFF THE WORST ROADS OF THE WINTER (while driving a 'Grain Train' full of rock salt). He is trying to get it to Salmon for the Road Department to salt their roads locally. Too bad Dad doesn't have the equipment on the truck to spread infront of himself. I have been worried sick about him, he's been gone for the day with all the roads of ID closed. He was rerouted by the company and he has managed to get through but barely! I have also been on the Road Report & cell phone helping him to know what was ahead. I think that I can now rest knowing that he will be spending the night with Oliver & Liz & Teagan. Then he will be on the road in the morning to get the salt delivered and then back home. Hopefully!!!] Angels have been traveling with him and to the Lord, MY GRATITUDE!

I think that Jess was correct in her observation the other day - "You don't know the computer much do you Mom." My answer: "No I don't!!!"

Oliver said tonight - Time to learn - now!

Well right now I'm a little frazzled and tired so ... for now - Good Night All! Time for me to go to bed. Don't let the bed bugs bite!

To my grandkids: Pss Pss Grandma Lewis ( Kristy) loves you!!!